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If the desired affection is constantly denied, the rejected child becomes
sullen, stubborn and resentful. If in spite of all his efforts he cannot get the
longed-for love, he compensates by making do with substituted imaginary
satisfactions and make-believe, as when the poor boy becomes a king, or Cinderella
a princess. In later life he will live his life too much in fantasy and be
content with second-best. Sometimes if the demands on him are excessive and
he cannot keep up the standard expected, or has failed to achieve a coveted
success, he reacts with over-carefulness and precision, and goes through routines
and rituals to show how good he is. In later life he cannot bear anything to be
wrong and is too exacting with everybody.
Owing to the attraction of opposite sexes, a little boy learns he can generally
get more attention from his mother than from his father, and so she tends to
receive the greater part of his affection; and similarly but vice versa with little
girls. If the mother's love is denied, the boy goes on unconsciously searching
for a mother substitute and yet bearing a sullen resentment against all women;
he never learns to accept anything from them graciously; in his sex relationship
he may become frigid and impotent.
Junior School Stage.
At the junior school stage the sense of altruism is very small, so children
tend to be aggressive, bullying and tyrannical. They call each other nasty
names and are cruel to each other and animals. If the good example of love
and consideration for others is absent at home, a child will grow up completely
indifferent to the feelings of others, and may continue his bullying and cruelty
into adult life.
These children as yet have little idea of conscientiousness and reliability.
They are indifferent to the opposite sex. Greater still is their need to feel
accepted and liked especially by other children, and to obtain respect and
prestige. Thus more than ever they indulge in imitation of people of importance
as when the cowboy overpowers the indian, and the detective captures the
criminal. Their need for information is growing stronger, especially from
father who is, of course, one of the heroes. He has to answer a great many
questions; if he does not, the child will develop anxiety through insecurity and
seek his remedy in the company of gangs and groups. The habit may continue
to adult life when he must always be at the club or at a party. The deep
anxiety of insecurity is often ' converted ' to some real situation or episode
entirely unrelated to the real cause and which is seized upon as an excuse for
fear or anger; thus a wife expresses fear of her husband's car-driving when her
real trouble is the anxiety of insecurity.
Sometimes the love and acceptance of the child by parents, teachers, and
other adults is conditional upon the child conforming to very strict standards of
behaviour and achievement. The child may get the competitive habit in which
to obtain his feeling of superiority and to avoid anxiety he must always win
every contest or argument; otherwise he reproaches himself for his shortcomings
or puts the blame on someone else; he also indulges in self-praise or blowing his
his own trumpet—often falsely. If he cannot attain the standards expected
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