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and when some indignant onlooker tells me that dear old Mrs. Blank
is abominably treated by her family or landlady I am sceptical.
On the other hand I have found instances where after painstaking
probing, and extreme care upon my own part to be sure that
my judgment was unbiased I have been forced to admit that deliberate
unkindness was being meted out to an old person in the
hope that he would find the situation so unbearable that he would
seek accommodation elsewhere or consent to enter welfare accommodation
against his inclinations. The cause for these cases is
usually bitter resentment by younger persons at having to care
for, or share a house with, someone who by reason of physical
disabilities, or mental frailty, has become a tie or has developed
repulsive or annoying habits etc., or at the worst is dependent,
even if sweetly so.
I have great sympathy with the younger married woman who
would like to seek employment outside the home to supplement
the family income, or to broaden and enrich her own life, but who
cannot do so because of an old person who cannot be left alone;
and with the young mother who would like to take more outings
and holidays with her children, or just be free to play with them
and enjoy the various stages of their development, but who has
to divide her lime between them and a grandparent, who perhaps
gives unwelcome advice about their upbringing, or who demands
more personal attention than any infant requires.
Sympathy however is not enough, it must be translated into
practical help, but so often the family want to dictate the form
that such help should take. Nothing but permanent removal of the
old person to the care of the state in state provided accommodation
of some type will satisfy some of them. This is sometimes the right
and only step to take and my experience is that where this is so,
the step is usually suggested by the G.P. without the relatives
having to actively press for it, although not always without a considerable
delay, due to waiting lists. What I would like to stress
here is that we cannot be expected to know that there is a problem
unless someone brings it to our notice. Many families complain
bitterly to me that no one cares about the old. Conversation with
them reveals that they have suffered some problem in complete
silence, expecting some official person to come searching it out.
This is quite impractical. There are 25,000 or more elderly persons
in Ilford any of whom may have, or be the cause of, problems of
varying degrees.